Dating Violence Amongst Teen Should Not Be Overlooked

Published by MIKE SELVON in Dating, 1 month 3 weeks 1 day 7 hours 10 minutes 32 seconds ago

Forty percent of teenage girls, ages 14 to 17, say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend. In one study, 30 to 50 percent of female high school students reported having already experienced teen dating violence, which most often took place in the home of one of the partners.

In 1995, 7 percent of all murder victims were young women who were killed by their boyfriends. One in five or 20 percent of dating couples report some type of violence in their relationship.

Once you've "been through so much," where do you draw the line on dating violence and say "enough is enough?" Over time, as patterns emerge, it's natural for one to lose sight of reality. It seems like "everyone fights" or is involved in some drama, yet that doesn't make it ok.

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You do not ever have to be someone's physical or emotional punching bag. There are so many other possible partners out there, don't think you have to settle, especially so young. If your partner shoves, slaps, hits or punches you, then get out! If you fear bringing up certain topics, feel you're walking on egg shells or that you're a prisoner in your own home and suspect he's listening in on your phone calls, then escape while you still can! If he's accusing you of cheating, giving you "the look," calling you disparaging names or shouting at you, then remember that you don't have to put up with his abuse.

There are many early warning signs of dating violence that should not be overlooked. Your partner may become abusive if he shows extreme jealousy and cites an ex-girlfriend as his rationale for reacting that way. Many abusive relationships happen in a whirlwind, with immediate attraction, obsession and physical involvement.

Often, the aggressor will exhibit unpredictable mood swings, explosive anger, hypersensitivity, anxiety or depression. Many violent individuals are substance abusers who have a past history of family violence and are cruel to animals.

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If your partner issues threats, uses "playful" force during sex, blames others for his thoughts or feelings, calls you names, criticizes your every move, expects you to "follow orders," appears extremely closed-minded, lays guilt-trips on you, calls you incessantly, breaks things, slams doors and objectifies women, even jokingly, then you need to call it quits. In case you haven't figured it out by now, dating violence perpetrators tell lies aimed at manipulating and controlling their partner. In most cases, the perpetrators even lie to themselves. Learning to recognize their tactics and techniques for controlling you can help you deal with the situation and move on.

For example, if he claims that you "just don't understand him," or argues that you "just push his buttons," then these are statements that blame, in hopes that you'll stay with him out of guilt. If he tells you he "had a bad childhood," "just gets angry when he drinks or uses drugs," "has anger management problems" or "has a lot of stress right now," then these are excuses, evidence of self-denial and attempts to trick you into feeling sympathetic, even though his behaviors are completely controllable. He may try to say that yelling or smashing things is "his release," but these abusive behaviors just aren't normal.

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